


Rituals

by Spoofy



Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Adoption, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Clergy, Cults, Eventual Smut, F/M, Familiars, Molestation, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Psychic Abilities, Religion, Rituals, Shapeshifting, Suicidal Thoughts, Visions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-01 21:27:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17251691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoofy/pseuds/Spoofy
Summary: Alice has always had the power to hear the voices of others but never knew the reasons why. Abandoned at birth, her life was spent being sheltered by the church until she managed to escape. Later on, she meets Papa Emeritus III and is introduced to the Clergy, right in the middle of their most trying time.This story has very graphic depictions of events that could be very triggering. Please read those at your own risk. Also, I'm still working on tags.





	1. Chapter 1

The same dream happened again. It was the same dark figure lingering over me as I slept. I saw it all outside of my body and could do nothing to stop it. Was it Death? I've thought for the longest time that I wanted to die. Who would miss me anyway? Why should I bother fighting against this world any longer? Who did I have in this world besides myself?

Life has been a cruel joke to me but I guess my fear of ceasing to exist has kept me lingering on this Earth. I may have a few friends close enough to deem my family but it just isn't the same. I was told at a very young age that my mother abandoned me on those church steps so that I could bless my adoptive parents with a child since they couldn't have one of their own. Their so called blessing was my literal hell. I still remember the day that I ran away from home so vividly in my mind, even though I block it out as best as I can. It's usual on these nights when I wake up in a cold and feverish sweat that I remember the humble beginnings.

It had to be Death watching me. What could be more ominous and menacing as Death itself? I should have died many times over so either he's waiting for the grand finale or just dragging me along to suffer.

I roll over on my side and stare at the alarm clock. The crimson numbers tell me that it's 3:46am but it feels like it's much earlier. My relationship with the night has always been a bizarre one. I could have sworn that I was nocturnal with how relaxed and alive I feel at night while the day time blends together disjointedly.

I promised that I would open the shop at 11 and not a minute later. Peter was a good boss but he was only so lenient. He knew the problems I've had lately and he's been very understanding, just as I've been understanding that he has a business to run and needs reliable help. Working at the record shop has been the only job I've had and I've loved it. Getting to learn about the music forbidden in my home growing up has been a great "fuck you" to everything I was told. Being force-fed God and his teachings made me run as fast as I could the other way.

Of all the places my mother could have left me, why a church? As much as I would love to know her name or know what she looks like, that has and will be my biggest question. I try to give her some credit; she tried to take me to what she thought would be the safest place. I have to give the majority of credit to Grace, though.

I was a 16 year old runaway who made it to New York City from a small town in Rhode Island with only a backpack of a few items and whatever money I could steal from my parent's wallets. I had been sheltered by the church my whole life and I was scared but something inside me guided me to the city. I wasn't meant for the life that was forced upon me and I knew that no matter what came to be, escaping was my only option. I didn't sleep much because I was so scared of what could happen to me when my guard was down. Grace found me nodding off on a park bench and struck up a conversation with me.

_"You look like you're far from home."_

_I remained silent, clutching my backpack close to me, staring down at my feet._

_"I'm not going to hurt you. Are you hungry? I could get you something to eat." My stomach was empty and I was starving, having used the last of my money to buy an energy bar. I looked up to her face for the first time and took her in: her hair was white and blended into grey and in a tight bun on the top of her head. She looked harmless but I was untrusting. That's when the voice came._

_"Trust me. I want to help you."_

_This wasn't just an instinctual voice of blind trust. I heard her voice clear as day in my head. This had happened a few times when I was younger but I chalked it up to coincidence or childhood imagination. The voices got worse as I entered my teenage years, hearing so many things that I didn't want to know. I practiced so hard to not hear the voices but they flooded in constantly. It wasn't until I practiced closing my mind off to them that I was able to start controlling it. Even then, it still comes on suddenly and out of my control._

_This woman was still looking at me with a gentle smile on her face, waiting for my response. Most people would have given up by now but she stuck around, patiently. She extended her hand towards me and as scared as I was, I stood my ground and trusted the voice._

_"Maybe I should introduce myself first. My name is Grace. What's your name?"_

_I contemplated giving her a fake name but the voice was still ringing in my head. I took her hand into mine and her warmth flooded through my body. Whatever power that was nestled deep inside me shot out through my fingertips and as soon as we touched, I felt everything about Grace: I felt her moments of happiness in life, I felt her nervousness of meeting a strange kid on a park bench but more importantly, I didn't feel any malicious intent._

_"Alice. You can call me Allie."_

Grace took me home with her that day and I waited for the carpet to get pulled out from under me every day. I woke up in her spare room thinking "Today is the day she's going to tell me to get lost," but she never did. She made me three meals a day, bought me clothes and anything I needed, and she gave me the unfiltered company I had needed for so long. I never told her why I ran away but I always had this feeling she knew anyway. She was very in tune with me.

Grace never had children and her husband died a decade prior. She told me that children would have been nice but it was never in their plans to conceive. I always guessed that this was why she was so happy taking care of me. One day, she came home and told me that she enrolled me in the local high school.

_"You need to continue your education and be around some people your age. You can't hang out with this old lady all the time!"_

At first, I didn't believe her. I had been homeschooled all my life and I didn't think she would be able to just enroll me without being my parent or having any kind of birth certificate or other documentation. I walked into the high school, waiting to be told by some teacher to leave and they never did. My name was on every class list and I was a regular junior student, antisocial and very awkward. It was hard adjusting to being around so many people my age and I was super shy and untrusting but I found a calling in taking art classes. We were only allowed to color in Jesus related coloring books as I was growing up and that became very tedious. Once my senior year came and went, I was accepted into a decent college. I received my Associate's in Art. I felt like life was finally going my way.

That was until Grace became gravely ill. The doctors couldn't tell us what was wrong with her but they knew her heart was failing and she wouldn't have much time. I finally felt the carpet being pulled out from under me. That last night by her side, she handed me an envelope and held my hand as tight as she could, saying that everything I would need is in there and to only open it after she passes.

_"Thank you, Alice," she whispered._

_"What for?_

_"You've given my life so much purpose these last few years. I'm glad I was able to serve you."_

_"Serve me? What are you talking about," I question, tears strolling down my face, "You gave me a chance at life, Grace. Everything that I am now, I owe to you."_

_"You don't owe me a single thing. I'll only ask you to promise me something, Alice," she says in between coughs._

_"Anything," I reply, using the sleeve of my jacket to wipe away the tears and snot._

_"Trust in your voice. There are big plans for you but he will show you the way."_

She smiled at me one last time and closed her eyes. I kept her hand in mine until her life was gone a few minutes later. She was buried next to her husband as one of her final wishes. There was a lot of paperwork in the envelope, a lot of it way over my head. A business card on top led me to a lawyer by the name of Larry Bryant and a note in her handwriting that read "for any questions you have."

After my initial mourning period, I decided to pay Mr. Bryant a visit and he was eager to welcome me into his office. He first offered his condolences and opened himself to any questions I had.

_"Grace left me with a lot of paperwork and I'm not sure what it all means. I'm also not sure about what to do with her apartment or anything." I hand over the small stack of papers to Mr. Bryant and he scans them quickly._

_"I helped prepare her will and testament and a lot of these papers are part of that. Did she go over any of this with you, Alice?"_

_"Allie, please. No, she didn't. She got so sick all of the sudden. She just told me everything I would need would be in here."_

_"She wasn't wrong about that. Grace wanted to make sure that you were taken care of before she passed. She left her apartment and all her assets to you."_

_My mouth dropped. I couldn't believe that she had done this. She had mentioned that she had no family to pass anything onto but I never knew that I would be the sole inheritor of everything._

_"What do you mean by 'assets'," I ask him. He looks through the papers one more time before answering._

_"She had a trust she set up in your name where you would receive some of it once she passed and the rest of it at a later date. Looking at these papers, you're looking at over $400,000."_

_My heart sank. Where did she have that kind of money hidden away? I knew she didn't work and we lived together comfortably but she always said the same thing. "My husband had family money that we invested and made more money off of." I didn't think it was that amount of money._

_"I can't believe it. Is there just a bank account that deposits that $400,000 over a span of time? I don't really know what to say or what to ask, Mr. Bryant. All of this is so new to me."_

_"You don't need to worry about that at all, Allie. Everything is set up and I'm able to give you all the information but I think you've misunderstood me. When I said that you're looking at $400,000, I meant that you're looking at that today. The rest of the trust is well over $800,000. She put it in her will that you'd receive the rest after a certain amount of time has passed and you haven't spent it all needlessly. She wanted to make sure that you would be okay for a very long time."_

After she died, I found myself in quite a slump. I kept her apartment since she owned it outright and it was my one true home but the depression of being alone kept me from continuing with college right away. I knew that I didn't want to squander the money she left me away and NYC can be an expensive place to live so I got a job at a record shop both for monetary and social reasons. Some friends that I made during those short high school years have stuck around and have been there for me through Grace's death. The loneliness shouldn't be nearly as bad as it is.

But it's so bad. Her words keep coming back to me and I can't make sense of them: "There are big plans for you but he will show you the way." She knew that religion was a very sore spot for me and she didn't seem overly religious. She didn't force me into church on Sunday, there were no crosses or Bibles in her home and I wasn't forced to my knees every night to pray before sleep. Maybe she was religious and kept that away from me, knowing that it could potentially trigger a lot of bad memories? I guess I'll never know.

As much as the night time relaxes me, all these thoughts come dredging back up like black slugs wrapping around my insides. I know that if I don't get some sleep, I'll never wake up in time to open up the shop and it isn't long after I close my eyes that I drift right back into my dream.

I saw him come back and he stood next to my bed as I slumbered and somehow, I felt at ease. If he was Death, his presence was surprisingly soothing His gloved hand pushes back some hair out of my face and the moonlight strikes against him. His hair is long, black, silky and he's wearing an elegant outfit, something old and looking of a different time. His face is painted black and white and illuminates under the light as his eyes, one emerald green and the other a pearl white, look upon my sleeping body. His painted lips curl into a small smile.

_"You'll never be alone again, ghuleh. Never again."_


	2. Chapter 2

"Allie! You're here!" Peter looks up from the box of teeshirts he's unpacking and looks very surprised to see me. I was incredibly worried when I got to the shop and the door was already unlocked. The last thing I needed was a robbery when I'm already so exhausted.

"Yeah. I said I was good to open the shop today," I reply, setting down my backpack and pulling my earbuds out.

"No offense but I wanted to be around, in case you weren't ready to come back. I never wanted to pressure you with everything that's been going on in your life lately." He continues to fold teeshirts with the shop logo on it into neat piles, sorting them smallest to large. "You're still a medium, right?"

His switch of conversation catches me off guard. "Medium, large, depending on the fit. Why?" All of the sudden, he's throwing one of the new shirts at my face.

"Hope you don't mind me using you to model the new tees," he says, breaking down the box with a box cutter. I hold the shirt up to my torso and it looks like a perfect fit. There's enough room that I won't have to suck everything in but it's tight enough to accentuate the parts that I like to accentuate. Unzipping my jacket, I throw it on top of my bag, take off the ratty band tee I'm wearing and slip the new shirt on over my tank top.

"Thanks, Peter. I can finish up here if you'd like to head out." I pick up my jacket and backpack and shove it in my usual place under the counter. I never carry anything too valuable so I opt to keep it with me instead of putting it in the back. Almost everyone who works here does the same.

"Are you sure? I'm already here so I can stay." Peter comes around the customer side of the counter, leaning over it while staring me down as I move more boxes in front of me.

"I'm okay. I can't stay home and mope all the time. Go and enjoy a day off for once," I joke, picking up another box of what I presume to be tee shirts based on the weight. The bell above the door goes off and we both look towards the front and I'm about to turn on my customer service voice when I notice that it's my friend Charlie.

"Allie! I was hoping you'd be here!" Her long blonde hair flows with every step she takes towards us. She's wearing a form-fitting yellow summer dress with ballerina flats, her casual summer style. She's always looked like a pixie and it has always put my jeans and teeshirts to shame. I really like dressing up for things but lately, there's neither been a reason or a good mood to do so.

"On that note, I'll take my leave," Peter starts, gathering up his keys and jacket, "Charlie, always a pleasure. Allie, don't work too hard, okay? If you need anything, please do not hesitate to call me." With a quick wink, he's out the door. Most bosses would frown upon friends hanging out at work but Peter has always been great about having friends stop by as long as work was getting finished. I've heard so many people complain about shitty bosses and I never have a story to add.

"Hey, Charlie. Sorry that I didn't answer your text the other day," I immediately start off with an apology because I had been dodging her a bit. To be quite honest, I'd been dodging every one lately but that's just what I've needed to do to process everything that's been going on. Out of all my friends, Charlie is who I'm closest to. She transferred into my high school her senior year so we were fish out of the water together, even though I was in the water a little longer.

Grace really liked her too. She would let her come over and spend the night whenever we wanted to and took us out to eat and to the movies. Charlie never minded the parental figure around either. I think she loved Grace just as much as I did if that was even possible. She didn't want to impede on the funeral but came to my house afterward to make sure I was okay. She ended staying by my side for four days.

"Don't you dare apologize to me," she replies, shaking her head and hands, "I went by your place this morning but I figured you came here. How are you doing? I didn't think you'd be back to work so quickly." She leans on the counter, just as Peter was before he exited. Since it's Friday, the shop won't start getting busy until the late afternoon. Even if people come in, she's always respectful and stays out of the way.

"Ehh, up and down. It's nice to be out of the house instead of wallowing around," I answer, pulling out the new shop shirts. They have a Halloween theme with the name of the shop dripping in a bloody font. I almost wish Peter would have given me one of these ones instead and I chuckle at the thought.

 _"You've gone to the dark side, Allie,"_ Grace would say to me. It was never malicious or used to scare me but it felt as if it was foreshadowing something. I always laughed it off as finally breaking free of the church and being able to express myself however I wanted. Grace was always welcoming of it as well. Being able to wear black and gray for the first time was liberating.

Charlie starts taking some shirts from the box and folds them neatly, mimicking exactly what I'm doing.

"These are super cute! I may have to pick one up," she exclaims, rifling through the pile for her size.

"You fold any more of those, I'm going to have to give you part of my paycheck," I joke. Charlie smiles as she continues to stack the shirts neatly.

"Your company is payment enough."

"I feel bad that this is what you consider company. Although, it's nice to talk to someone and not to myself," I chuckle. We finish folding and stacking the shirts and I find room for them on the merch shelf near the counter. The shop isn't one of the busiest in the city but since I've worked here, I've seen a steady amount of loyal customers and the business gets by. The tee shirts have been a good seller since they come in a variety of styles. Some dark and brooding, some cute and kitschy.

"I've missed you, Charlie. I really am sorry that I've been distant."

"I totally understand. If you did want to make it up to me, there is something you could do for me," she says slyly, shining her pearly whites at me. This never ends up good.

"Uh-oh. What do you want me to do?"

"It's Jason's birthday this weekend but we're going out tonight and we would _really_ like for you to celebrate with us!" Jason is Charlie's boyfriend that she's dated steadily for the last year. I wouldn't really call him my friend but he's been around through association. She uses her lively personality to bring him out of his very timid shell. The few times I've been around him have been pleasant so going out and celebrating with them wouldn't be a big deal. It's more about actually wanting to go out.

"I dunno, Charlie. I don't really feel in a celebrating mood," I answer her honestly. I had plans to go home with some take out and watch movies for the rest of the night.

"It's nothing big, I promise. Just a couple of drinks with friends, nothing crazy. Please, Allie?" She grabs onto my hand and her emotions flood through me. I feel her missing me so much and wanting to do everything she can to get me out of my slump. I've never told her about what I'm able to do so I've always felt I've had an unfair advantage over her. Whatever crazy intuition that I have inside works against me a majority of the time but I know my friend and I feel her. She just wants me to be happy.

"As long as we're not out all night and it's something intimate, I'll go," I answer. She goes from hand-holding to pulling me over the counter into an awkward hug, the corner of the counter stabbing me in the stomach as she holds onto me. As painful as it was, I needed her more than she could ever know.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so excited! Don't tell Jason but I'm way more happy about the fact that you're coming out. I'll text you the address later and we'll meet at 7. You won't regret it!" She gives me one last squeeze before she says her goodbye and is out the door.

"What have you agreed to, Alice?" I think to myself as I open another box, keeping myself busy until my replacement comes in.

 

* * *

 

The lock clicks and I'm back in the safety of my apartment. I set down my backpack, my keys, and the bag of my goodies on the stand by the door. After Grace died, I kept the apartment pretty much as it was, not because I needed some weird shrine to her but because the apartment was pretty modernized already and I didn't feel it needed anything newer. For a moment, I remember setting my school bag down on this stand every day after school, Grace greeting me from the living room with her nose deep in some book, and the sadness hearts my heart.

I start unloading the grocery bag of take-out and the one can of cat food I purchased at a bodega along the way. Neighbors have been talking about a white cat hanging around by the dumpster lately and I've tried keeping her fed since she doesn't seem to belong to anyone. I wasn't allowed to have pets growing up so I don't know much about animals but I didn't want to let her starve, even if I'd only caught glimpses of her.

Grabbing my keys and throwing them in my jacket pocket, I head down the two flights of stairs and towards the dumpsters on the side of the building. I pop open the can of food and situate it towards the corner where the dumpster and brick wall meet. I have a feeling the cat won't show up while I'm still standing here so I start walking back towards the entrance of my building when I start hearing meows.

The beautiful and elusive white cat is already nibbling out of the can when I walk back to the alley and as soon as she sees me, I expect her to bolt. I stand perfectly still and she goes back to eating. People passing by on the sidewalk must think I'm a crazy person, just standing and staring at a cat but something was drawing me to her. It was like I was exactly where I needed to be.

She finishes eating and I'm waiting for her to run but she doesn't. She makes her way slowly towards me and I kneel down, extending my hand to her.

"You're a pretty one, aren't you?" She comes and sniffs my hand and after getting my scent, she starts rubbing her tiny head against my fingers.

"Do you have a home? Do you have a family who's looking for you?" I ask her. She purrs as I run my fingers up and down the top of her head. She starts purring even louder and I take this as an invitation to try and pick her up. As I put my hands around her malnourished tummy, she looks up at me and her eyes shine under the city lights.

Her eyes shine a vibrant and emerald green and it reminds me of my nightly visitor, although only one of his eyes match the color. "Do you know the man in my dreams?" I ask her, knowing that it's crazy that I'm talking to this cat about my dreams and she immediately cuddles against my chest.

"You're a sweetheart. It looks like you're alone in this world too. How would you like it if we kept each other company from now on?" I start rubbing her head again and she leans into it, licking at my fingers and playfully nibbling them. Her front teeth show through her mouth as she lays down, a trait I've never really seen in a cat before. I never had the intention of adopting a pet but it seems like fate that she's crossed my path. From what my friends have said about owning cats, they're pretty independent but good for company.

I carry her up the two floors to my apartment and set her down on the floor. I watch her puzzled face as she starts exploring the apartment and I start internally panicking at the impulsiveness of my decision. When I look at the clock, I realize I have very little time to get ready.

"I hope you don't mind me leaving for a little bit but I promise I'll come home with some things for you, okay? I'm pretty new to having someone around again, especially a cat."

She meows and comes back towards me and I start petting her head again. She loves it so much that she starts nibbling on my hand again, her tiny teeth causing minimal pain.

"Ouch," I say playfully as I start rubbing her stomach, "You're a little vampire with those teeth, aren't you?" That's when the inspiration sets in.

"What do you think of the name Vamp? I think it's going to be pretty fitting if you keep nibbling at me like you are." She purrs against my hand and I take that as her seal of approval.

"That's settled then. Make yourself at home, Vamp. I hope you like it here." I stand up and before I start getting ready, I grab a small dish and fill it with water for my new companion, setting it down by the front door. It's scary that I'm going out with how I've felt lately but it's also nice to finally have a reason to get back to my normal self again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has triggering themes so please read at your own risk.

I haven't really dressed up in a while but after the high of having some feline company, I must be in a better mood since I actually try to look cute for this small gathering. I opted for a black flared skirt with a deep maroon laced top and a pair of black boots, nothing too high heeled since I'll be walking. I bought this outfit a while ago in case I needed a reason to dress up for something and I figured that a birthday celebration was the best reason I was going to get.

"Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone, Vamp. I shouldn't be back too late," I tell my new companion as I put on my coat and tuck my keys and wallet snuggly into the inside pocket. Vamp leaps effortlessly onto the sofa and lays down, meowing goodbye as I make my exit.

The address that Charlie sent me was only a few blocks away at a bar that I've never heard of but she was always the one to encourage me to try new places. I'm also saying a silent thank you to myself for picking shoes that look good and are comfortable since I'm walking a pretty far distance. That's the best thing about living in this city and having no desire to purchase a car. Walking everywhere has kept me in pretty decent shape, although the ease of getting food on the way home negates some of that.

I grab my earbuds out of my pocket and plug them into my phone, playing it at a volume low enough that I could hear what's going on around me but still enjoy the music flowing through my ears. As much as I love the city, I still have an instilled fear and untrusting of strangers around me.

Working at the record shop has given me the motivation to find all these bands and musicians that I've never heard of or listened to due to being deemed by the church as "Satan music" and a tool to warp impressionable minds. I scoff at the thought as the Doors start the guitar intro to Wild Child. Something about this song always resonated with me.

Twenty minutes later and I'm outside of the bar Charlie told me about. I check the time and I'm a few minutes early and that's when I notice the neon sign in the window. It's a karaoke bar.

"Shit," I mutter under my breath. Charlie talked about going to one of these bars for the longest time. I took choir as an elective class in high school and that's how I met Charlie. We were sat next to each other and became friends very quickly. She always told me that my voice was "heavenly" and that I shouldn't be afraid to show it off sometimes. Doing anything with it has always been the furthest thing from my mind, considering that sin was beaten into my skull very young. I contemplate running back home and telling her I came down with something but I'm stopped when I hear my name.

"Allie!" I hear Charlie scream from down the block. She, once again, looks flawless with a satin body form dress and skyscraper heels. I hope she didn't walk here in those but fashion has always been her priority. On her arm is a man who matches her current height with dark brown hair and a mildly muscular build and I recognize it as Jason. It looks like he didn't want to dress up too much because he's wearing a nice pair of jeans with a button up blue shirt and a zippered hoodie. They look blissfully in love and I can't help but feel a little jealous.

I wave my friends down and we hug, Jason, pulling me into an awkward hug as well. I don't really know him super well but he must be in a joyful mood. After brief hellos and small banter, we scurry inside the bar. The place is pretty busy and just when I'm afraid of not getting a table, Charlie talks to a waitress about a table she reserved close to the stage. It's not long before we get settled in and receive our first drinks. We hear some mic feedback surround the place as an announcer takes the stage.

"Thanks for coming out tonight! We have a lovely crowd out here and I already know it's gonna be a fun one. For those who haven't been here before, we have an open karaoke night for our lovely patrons every other Friday and anyone is welcomed to the stage. Please see our lovely DJ Joe over here to sign up to sing. Have a lovely night, folks!" I take a glance over at the DJ, a burly man with sleeve tattoos, long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, and a giant beard. He raises his hand towards the crowd and people automatically start flocking to him.

"This should be fun to watch," Jason quips, taking a hefty chug of his beer. I opted for a beer as well since I'm not much of a drinker while Charlie sips on some fruity drink with a tacky name.

"I want to sing something but I don't know what!" Charlie says excitedly.

"Honey, you cannot get up there and sing. You know you sound like a screeching owl when you sing," he replies, chuckling at his not so subtle attempt at humor. She gasps and playfully punches him in the arm. It's starting to feel like I'm the third wheel on a date that I really don't want to be on.

"Allie, tell him I have a beautiful voice!" she screeches, giggling hard.

"I wouldn't call it 'beautiful'," I start, laughing along with Jason, "I would call it the sound of a car wreck happening."

"See! Even your best friend says you can't sing for shit!"

"You guys are just a bunch of haters," she ends the conversation, gulping down the rest of her drink and raising her hand to flag down the waitress. I feel this weird need to keep up so I chug down my beer so the waitress can take the empty glass.

"We need shots of tequila! Three shots, please!" Charlie barks at the waitress. The waitress looks soulless and like she puts up with this every night and with a polite nod, she heads back to the bar.

"You're going a little too fast aren't you?" I ask her, half-jokingly, half concerned for my friend. She just starts giggling, cuddling into Jason's side.

"I just wanna have a good time tonight with the love of my life and my very best friend! What's wrong with that?" She looks up at Jason and he gives her a swift kiss on the nose. A girl that I can only describe as floozy takes the stage and starts singing some pop song, gyrating her hips and making not so subtle moves to the DJ playing her song. The waitress comes back with the shots, Jason and Charlie chugging them down quicker than I can gulp.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Don't talk about me while I'm gone," Charlie says suddenly, leaving the table very quickly. There's no way that she isn't going to be talked about, considering she's the only link between Jason and myself. After a couple minutes of silence, Jason finally speaks.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me," he says, still staring at the stage. I look over to him and I'm unsure of what to say so I just respond with the first thing that comes to mind.

"I'm happy for you. I hope that everything works out."

Silence sets in and I look around at everyone having a good time, singer after singer coming to the stage to sing famous songs off key and out of tune and it's been a decent night. I think I've made my mandatory appearance and I'm wondering how much longer I'm obligated to stay out with them when Charlie makes it back to the table.

"Luckily the line wasn't too long. What did I miss?"

"Nothing, love," Jason answers, putting his arm around her and positioning them towards the stage. The DJ picks up the mic and starts announcing the next lineup for karaoke.

"Alright, ladies and gentleman, we're told that the next singer is a little shy and needs some encouragement to come up to the stage so please give a warm welcome to Allie!"

The crowd starts cheering and hollering as my mouth drops and I look over at my so-called friend. She's giggling while Jason refuses to make eye contact with me.

"Charlie..."

"What? Get up there and sing. You have a beautiful voice and it can be Jason's birthday present!" Jason finally looks up at me and just shrugs apologetically. Charlie points me out to the DJ and people start looking at me, cheering me on to take the stage. There's no way I'm getting out of this and I decide to go along with her scheme rather than fight. I've never been afraid of crowds so it's not a fear of performing in public. I've just felt like I have nothing to prove to others and I would much rather blend into the crowd.

I stand up and the crowd gets a little louder, egging me forward. Once I get to the DJ stand, DJ Joe looks up at me and smiles, clasping his hands together in excitement.

"Your friend said you wanted to pick your song. I think I have just about everything so what would you like to sing?" I take a deep long breath and think over the songs I felt confident in singing. If I was going to sing something, it was going to be something that meant a lot to me.

"Do you have Depeche Mode?" I ask him. He gives me a smirk.

"What song?"

"Personal Jesus."

He laughs and looks up the song, queuing it up for me. I take the stage and the crowd looks a lot larger from this view. Everyone seems eager to hear me sing, so much that it seems like the bar has gone completely silent and all eyes are on me. The intro to the song starts playing.

_Reach out and touch faith._

My hands slip over the microphone I start swaying my body to the rhythm and feeling the music enter my soul.

_Your own Personal Jesus. Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares._

A lot of the angst I felt for my childhood and the church started radiating through my body and every feeling of anger and sadness started coming out of me through my singing.

_Feeling unknown and you're all alone. Flesh and bone, by the telephone. Lift up the receiver, I'll make you a believer._

The crowd continues to cheer sporadically throughout and by the time the song ends, everyone is clapping and hollering and I can't lie, it's given me a boost to my confidence quite a bit. I walk off the stage and the DJ stops me, giving me an enthusiastic pat on the back.

"You did great! Your voice is wonderful. You're welcome to sing on my stage anytime."

I give him a quick smile as a thank you and walk back to my friends, both of whom are standing and still clapping. Charlie gives me a hug and Jason raises his hand for a high five that I reciprocate.

"You did great, Allie! You're so good!"

"Thank you. Never do that again, Charlie," I joke, Charlie shrugging as they sit back down at our table.

"It got you up there, didn't it?" she remarks. I roll my eyes at her response, not quite ready to sit back down and feeling good enough to drink a little more.

"I'm going to go get something from the bar," I tell them. They nod and I start walking towards the bar. The bartender is a shorter man wearing a flannel shirt who's trying to hide a receding hairline underneath a trucker hat. I walk up and order a vodka cranberry from him.

"Of course. Anything for that beautiful voice, baby," he responds, winking at me before making my drink. It's a little unsettling but I try not to think anything of it and as I wait, many people pass by me and I get nods of approval and pats on the shoulder.

"Here you go, sweetheart. It's on the house." As I grab my drink, my fingers make contact with his hand that's handing me the glass. All time stops around me and it feels like I'm transported into someone else's mind.

_"Are you cheating on me, you bitch! I've seen those slutty clothes you put on to go out and run errands!" The bartender is towering over a petite female with a clenched fist. The scared woman, who is cowering in fear and crawling to the corner of what looks like a living room, has her arms outreached towards him in a calming manner. Her nose is bleeding and she has a purple and swollen left eye._

_"Please, Jerry! I'm not cheating on you with anyone! You'll wake the children, please!"_

_Jerry continues to exert his dominance over her and continues to walk menacingly towards her. She finally meets a dead end and has nowhere else to escape to._

_"You think I give a fuck about those children? They probably aren't even mine, you fucking skank. You should be so goddamn grateful that you have me to take care of you!" Jerry grabs her by the throat and lifts her up, punching her in the stomach so hard that her screams echo off the walls._

_"Please," she pleads, tears strolling down her face. Jerry drags her over to the couch and throws her down, torso down. She's barely moving, blood and tears mixing as she tries to catch her breath. He walks over to her and pulls off her pants as he starts unbuttoning his._

I whiplash back to reality and it takes me a few seconds before remembering where I am. My heart is beating out of my chest and I'm staring Jerry down and he's smiling at me, his hand still touching mine. I snatch it away and start backing away from the bar.

"What's the matter, baby?" He looks confused but I can still feel him on my skin. The visions still swirl around my head and I'm feeling so sick to my stomach. I set the drink down back on the bar and run over to the table, snatching my coat angrily off the chair. My friends try to slow me down to figure out what's going on but I'm more determined to leave than they are to keep me there. I dare not look at the bartender again and exit the bar.

The night air hits my face and offers me some relief but I'm doing everything I can to keep myself together until I can make it home. My body still feels the fear and horror the woman was feeling and the dominance and power the bartender and it's like my body is fighting two powerful and conflicting influences. It's taking everything inside me to push those feelings out as I walk as fast as I can, breaking out into a slight jog. My mind is elsewhere when I run into a very hard body and stumble to the ground. When I look up, a man is looking down at me, giving me a foreboding look.

"What's the rush, baby? You look like you've seen a ghost."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, there's some triggering things in this chapter so please read at your own risk.

My body goes rigid as I try to smooth down my skirt and stand up. My hands and knees are a little scrapped and sore after making abrupt contact with the sidewalk but there's no life threatening injury that would prevent me from getting home. The man I've run into towers over me, much like Jerry the bartender towered over that woman, and chills run up my spine. I'm in the crosshairs of a predator.

"I- I'm sorry, sir. I wasn't looking where I was going," I stammer, trying to end the conversation before it even begins. As I get up, he lets out a toxic laugh. His breath reeks of booze and it seems like he's barely keeping himself up.

"It's okay, baby. It had to be God himself that brought you to me," he slurs, stumbling towards me.

"I'm sorry," I apologize again, trying to work my way away from him, "I really must be getting home." I move to the left and he steps right in front of me.

"What's your hurry? You don't wanna hang out with me?" He inches closer to me and I try to back up but notice he's backing me into a dark alley. My heart sinks and fear has every hair on my body on end.

"I have to get home. I have people waiting for me," I lied, hoping he wouldn't try anything if he thought someone would report me missing. He cackles and lunges at me, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me up. He continues to laugh as he takes me further down the alley, far from the streets and lights. As I try to break free of his grasp, I feel everything he's thinking.

_"Can't wait to fuck this bitch. I'll show this little cunt a really good time."_

I want to scream but nothing can come out of me, he's grasping me so tightly that I can't breathe and my fear has stunned me. Once we're very far into the alley, he lets me go enough to reposition me, grabbing me by my hair and putting me down on my knees looking up at him.

"Please," I beg him, tears strolling down my face, "Please don't do this." He laughs in my face and tightens his grip on my hair and pulls my face towards his, causing me to cry out in pain.

"You have the prettiest mouth," he starts, using his free hand to start unzipping his pants, "You bite down and I'll fucking kill you, you understand me?" All I can do is nod, the man appearing to me as nothing but a sinister shadow through the tears. All his dark thoughts of what he wants to do to me flood through me and there's nothing I can do to stop them while he continues to touch me. The panic I feel heightens whatever the voices tell me and all I can do is close my eyes.

The air shifts around me and I feel something powerful permeating the air that surrounds the attacker and myself. The grasp on my hair loosens and I topple completely and as I open my eyes, gloved hands are wrapped around the man's neck.

"I believe the lady said no." The gloved man says quite angrily. He has a bit of an accent but the ringing in my ears from pain isn't allowing me to make out where it's from. My hero backs my attacker to the opposite wall of the alley. His hands shift, one hand pulling something away from his torso quickly.

"How lovely. Does God know what you've been up to tonight? Is He the one who told you to attack and rape an unwilling woman?!" The voice gets louder and angrier. I use the uninjured part of my hand to wipe my eyes so I could see more clearly. My rescuer still has his hand grasped around the man's throat and in his other hand, a crucifix necklace dangles between his fingers. My attacker can only let out mumbles and small cries and I'm too scared to move, only trying to adjust my skirt to protect what's left of my decency.

The owner of the gloved hand turns his head towards me and I gasp at the sight. The man in my dreams is here, in the flesh. His black hair is disheveled from the movement but his face is painted black and white in a simplistic but terrifying pattern. This has to be a dream.

"Do not worry, ghuleh. I won't hurt you," he says to me calmly. I think my body finally exhausted itself from the physical and emotional trauma because my body slumps over and the last thing I see through dimmed eyes is my hero lifting the attacker of the ground.

 

* * *

 

My eyes open again and I recognize my living room and the fabric under me belonging to my sofa. The room is dark but the moonlight illuminates only half of the room. I roll over to try and find my bearings when I'm startled by the dark figure, sitting cross-legged in my armchair, Vamp lounging in his lap as he pets her.

"You're awake. I was starting to worry that you had a concussion," he says, continuing to pet the sleeping cat. I jump and start backing into the corner of the couch.

"Please. You are not in any danger. I can promise you that," he repeats, gently placing the cat down before getting up and walking over towards the unoccupied area of the sofa. Vamp, annoyed that she was so rudely woken up, walks over and curls up underneath the coffee table.

"Wh-who are you? Am I dreaming?" He sits down next to me, extending one arm along the back of the couch and recrossing his legs as he turns his torso towards me. For the first time, I can really see what he's wearing. I don't know what it's called or the style of it but it's a very long black and white coat with pronounced buttons and tailored black pants and looks of a different era.

After studying his body, I moved my gaze to his face. What I always saw as face paint was actually just his face. At a closer look, there's no creasing or anything that indicates that it's a mask. My eyes meet his and it's the eyes that have taken over my dreams: one emerald green, one pale white.

"I have to be dreaming," I whisper, closing my eyes and shaking my head in a manner that should wake me up and he chuckles, "Who are you?"

"Let me formally introduce myself. My name is Papa Emeritus III," he states, extending his gloved right hand towards me. Reluctantly, I take it and it feels real but my voice isn't going off and I don't hear anything from him.

"And your name is Alice, correct?" he asks, his fingers wrapping around my hand and not letting go. All I can do is nod.

"It's lovely to finally meet you, Alice," He brings my hand to his lips and plants a small kiss on the top, "I hope you don't mind that I went through your pockets to obtain your keys. I wouldn't have done that if I had another way in." I wince in pain at the scrapes on the other side of my hand and it reminds me of the ordeal I went through previously in the night. Reality is so distorted for me. Is this real? Is this a dream? Can you feel pain in dreams?

"I'm so sorry, ghuleh. I forgot that you hurt your hands," he remarks, turning my hands over to examine my wounds. They're minor scrapes but the air on the exposed skin hits painful nerves, "Do you have bandages and disinfectant?"

I take my hand back and point towards the bathroom. He gets up and comes back with contents from my medicine cabinet rather quickly. He takes my hand back into his and starts wiping it with an alcoholic wipe and I hiss at the unpleasantness.

"It'll be over soon," he says, finishing cleaning my wounds before wrapping a bandage around it. He pulls up my other hand and as he cleans that one up, the pain isn't as bad and I just watch him carefully as he tends to me.

"What happened to that man?" I finally asked as he finished the final touches on my second hand.

"I didn't hurt him if that's what you're asking me. I merely convinced him that assaulting women in dark alleyways is not an okay thing to do."

"What do you mean? Who are you?"

"I told you, my name is Papa Emer-"

"No," I exclaim, snatching my hand away, "You told me your name but who are you? How did you know where my apartment was? How did you know my name?" I rapid fire questions at him until his finger meets my lips and he shushes me.

"Please, do not fret. All will be revealed in due time and I do not want to overwhelm you more than you already have been tonight. What can I do to ease your mind?" There's only one thing I could think of to try and figure this out.

"Take your glove off." He looks at me quizzically but obliges, taking off the glove and laying it on his lap, extending his hand to me once more. He watches me as I start running my fingertips along his palm and focus whatever it is I have in me and my body starts feeling warm. His touch is like calm fire and radiates over my entire body as my heart starts beating faster and every part of me becomes animated and aroused. The feelings are foreign and nothing I've ever felt through touching another person. He's harder to read than others but I don't feel malicious intent towards me. In fact, I feel nothing but warmth as I look up at him and he stares into my eyes.

"You have something within you, Alice. I can feel you using it right now. What does your heart tell you," he asks softly.

"I can't explain what I'm feeling but I don't think you're going to hurt me. I'm not dreaming, am I?" I ask him. He takes his hand back and reapplies his glove.

"No, my ghuleh, but I understand why you would think that. I've been watching over you for a while now. I didn't plan on making my presence known to you this soon but I couldn't let you be hurt by that man. Your cries are still ringing in my ears and I should have done much worse to him."

I have no idea of what he's done already but what more or what worse could he have done to him? The important thing is that I don't think he's going to do anything like that to me.

"I'm sorry if I keep repeating myself. You've been in my dreams almost every night but I've had no idea who you were," I whisper to him.

"My dear, sweet Alice. I've-"

"Please, call me Allie," I interrupt him, "I've never really liked being called Alice."

"Allie," he repeats, letting it roll off his tongue as if he's getting used to the taste of it, "That's a beautiful nickname. I've dreamt of you for a long time, Allie." Papa brings his hand to my face and I lean into him, his comfort being so warm after the night I've had. He saved me from something horrible and I feel like I owe him everything.

"I'm sorry to cut this short but I must be taking my leave now," he says abruptly, slowly removing his hand from my face and he stands up, smoothing down his jacket, "I promise you that I will return to you soon." I try standing up from the couch quickly but my legs are still wobbly from being dragged around that I instantly come crashing down. Papa catches me swiftly and supports me effortlessly.

"Let me put you to bed first,' he says, picking me up and cradling me in his arms. He walks me into my bedroom and lays me down gently as I get flashbacks of many nights he watched over me as I slept. He pulls my boots off, hearing them lightly thud towards the end of my bed. He pulls the blanket over me and tenderly tucks me in.

"Thank you, Papa," I whisper, pulling the blanket up to my chin and feeling the haziness of sleep coming over me, "Please come visit me again." Even with my eyes closed, I feel him still near me and before I fall asleep, he lightly strokes my hair.

"I'll come back to you soon, my dear, sweet Allie."

 

* * *

 

As I roll over to adjust my sleeping position, pain in my right-hand wakes me up and my eyes open to my bandaged hand resting near my face. I pull the blanket off my body and I'm still wearing the outfit from last night. As I stretch out, my knees creak and ache and my whole body hurts. I could have sworn it was a crazy dream that I was having but everything is starting to add up. I'm not as crazy as I was starting to think I was.

"Papa," I whisper, gently running my fingertips against the cheek he held.

I hobble my body to the bathroom and splash my face with cold water, trying to rid myself of the fever I feel over my body. My body is in a substantial amount of pain but it's nothing a couple days of taking it easy shouldn't fix. The pain in my legs propels me to head back into bed, stripping out of the clothes from the previous night before crawling back in.

I hadn't noticed it until I was about to lay down but a white glove lays upon my nightstand with a folded note underneath it. My heart starts racing as I grab the note, opening it slowly like it's going to physically hurt me. His writing is incredibly elegant and him leaving his glove behind was a very nice touch.

_"I'll see you in your dreams, little one."_


	5. Chapter 5

_My hands are held down onto the bed, the feeling of black satin sheets running against the back of my hands as they shift and the ample pressure is welcomed. Everywhere else, time stops and the only things that matter are him and I. The hands of fate have finally caused our two souls to finally intertwine. My eyes shut tight at the sensation of him hovering between my legs_

_"Papa," I whisper, the sound barely audible to myself, let alone him. My head falls to the left and I moan into his hand._

_"Look up at me, my love. I want to see your eyes," he responds, letting go of one of my hands to put it under my chin and force my gaze back to him. His black and white face is gorgeous and the glimmer of darkness in his mismatched eyes heightens my sexual pleasure. He looks at me like I'm fresh meat and I love every second of it._

_Papa's hand curls around my throat in a non-threatening way and the other secures both of my wrists above my head securely and my back arches against his curves. It didn't take long before he had the rest of our clothes torn off and he was towering over me on the bed._

_"Your eyes are as beautiful as the skies," he breathes, bending down to kiss along my jawline, "Your skin is like porcelain. I'll treat you like the beautiful doll you are." His kisses move to my neck and I learn that this is one of my weakest spots, feeling kisses there for the very first time._

_"Papa... I ne-" I try to talk but he's taken my breath away and I'm speechless. My brain is a jumbled mess at all the new sensations I'm feeling and it's so incredibly hard to form coherent sentences._

_"What do you need? Tell me what you need, ghuleh." He lets go of my wrists and he stands up, wrapping his arms around my thighs, lifting my legs slightly before lining his engorged cock with my entrance. He stares me down and refuses to give me what's on both our minds._

_"I need you. Please, Papa. I need you so badly," I get out between bated breaths._

_"Your wish," Papa says, smirking as he pushes all his length in, "Is my command." My body is overloaded with feeling, some old and some new, as my back arches and I suck air between my teeth and exhale out a loud moan. Papa looks down at me, very satisfied with my body's response. He pushes his hips into me, keeping his position locked as his head falls back._

_"You are exquisite, Allie," he moans, his painted face staring back down at me, black strands of hair falling into his eyesight. He pulls out slowly, keeping only the tip in. My toes curl into the sheets and I muster the might to reach out for him but I fall short, my fingertips grazing his stomach as my arm falls on my stomach._

_Papa lets go of my legs but positions them at a bent angle before he crawls over me, shoving his hands under my back and grabbing onto my shoulders. He inserts himself back into me and starts pumping into me as I grab onto his back for support, whimpering at what he's doing to my body._

_I pull my head up and kiss him hard and Papa stops pumping, putting all of his efforts into the kiss. His lips are soft and taste of heaven but I know that's not where I'm going when I'm with him. He wants to take me to a place of ecstasy and total sexual bliss. I take one of my hands and push the black tendrils out of his face to look upon his ethereal beauty._

_He pulls his lips off of me and stares me down as he starts barreling into me at full force again. I grab onto his hair and the pain makes him push harder, my whimpers turning into pleasuring cries. He uses his grips on my shoulders as a way to push into me as hard as he can and I'm on the verge of orgasm._

_Papa balances all his upper body weight on both of his arms that are anchored down to the bed near my head and his head falls, watching as his body slaps against mine._

_"Papa!" I scream out, wrapping my legs around his waist so he can never leave me. I snake my arms in between us, holding his face in my hands and positioning him to stare right into my eyes. I dare not blink because I do not want to miss a moment of those eyes staring straight down into my tainted soul. His breathing gets heavier as he continues to pound into me._

_"Papa, promise-" I start speaking, only to be interrupted by moaning._

_"Yes, little one?" He slows down, once again devoting his attention to me._

_"Papa... Promise me I'll be yours forever." The words fall out of my mouth and Papa smiles._

_"I promise that you will never be alone again, ghuleh. Never again."_

_Moments later, I'm screaming out for him for the first time as he fills me completely, the look of complete adoration in his eyes as he looks at me. My hands fall to my sides and Papa rolls over beside me and he pulls me into his side. He holds me as no one has ever held me, stroking my hair gently as I listen to his heavy breathing. His comfort puts me to sleep, slumbering for the first time very satisfied._

 

* * *

 

It's the third night in a row that I've dreamed of Papa. It's also the third night since I've last seen him. I know he promised he would come to see me again soon but I guess I eagerly hoped that it would be much sooner than this. How do my dreams keep turning into this?

I was very rigid the day after the attack and slept the majority of the emotional and physical pain away. I consider myself lucky that Papa came to my rescue when he did so the pain I was feeling didn't turn into the complete mental anguish of an attack of that caliber. I'm not new to pain like that and I don't think I'd be able to handle it twice in one lifetime. I think my mind obsessing over the enigma that is Papa Emeritus III has made this time around a lot easier to manage.

I have my sketch pad in my lap and a warm cup of coffee sitting on the coffee table when my doorbell rings. I know who I want it to be but have a feeling that my wish to see him won't be granted at this moment. When I look through the peephole, I recognize the beauty queen on the other side.

"Alice! What the hell was that the other night?! I've called you three times, sent you a million texts and no answer!" Charlie screams as she makes her way into my apartment, not even bothering to ask if she could come in. I guess I can appreciate her candor. Vamp wakes up from the armchair that she sleeps in and furrows her face at the disruption of her sleep.

"And when the fuck did you get a cat?!" Charlie continues as I close and lock the door. I had no plans to go out until later to pick up more things for Vamp so I'm still in pajama pants and a tank top, my hair put up in the messiest of ponytails.

"That's the cat I told you about. The one that's been hanging out in the alleyway? I decided to bring her in here and take her off the streets," I reply, giving Vamp's head a quick rub before I sit back down on the couch, grabbing my coffee and holding it in my hands for warmth.

"You need to explain yourself. I've been worried sick about you." Charlie stands over me, arms folded at a stance that would have given my adopted parents a run for their money. How do I even begin to explain what happened that night? I've never told Charlie what I'm able to do because it never seemed like I could properly explain exactly what the hell I can do or if she would be able to handle that information.

There's no way I'm telling her about being attacked. I'm just now starting to process it all and bringing it back up with someone who will tell me to go to the police or go to therapy when I don't want to seems counterproductive. Guess it's time to lie.

"I was feeling really, really dizzy after singing. Must have been stage fright or whatever because I think I was having a panic attack." Lying to her isn't something that I liked doing but I feel it's necessary to avoid her hovering.

Charlie stares at me with a scowl on her face, as if she's contemplating whether or not to believe my story. Her scowl turns into worry and her arms drop to her sides as she walks over and sits down next to me.

"You should have said something. I would have gotten a cab for all of us and made sure you got home okay."

"It wasn't a big deal. I didn't want to ruin the rest of Jason's birthday."

"It is a big deal, Allie. I was so worried about you. Especially after that whole 'crazy guy' story."

"What do you mean? What crazy guy?"

"You didn't see it? It was on the news yesterday morning. The police found some guy in an alleyway not far from the bar we were at."

"How does that make him crazy?"

"Well, his eyes went totally white and he kept shouting something about seeing the devil. He started seizing when the paramedics approached him and he died on the way to the hospital."

It couldn't be the same guy. There's absolutely no way it could be the man that attacked me. Even if it was, what does he mean that he saw the devil? I remember most of what happened in the alleyway and I don't remember seeing the devil, although Papa's face can look quite intimidating. I mean, he saved my life and I didn't feel anything malicious when I took his hand. My hand goes numb from how hard I'm holding onto the coffee and trying to keep it together.

Vamp jumps down from the armchair and saunters over to me, nudging her head against my leg as I try to convince my mind that it's just a coincidence.

 

* * *

 

After Charlie leaves, I pull out my phone and put in all the keywords I can think of to pull up any news on the man in the alleyway. After a couple of dud search results, I finally find a news article. My heart sinks as I see the man who attacked me in a professionally taken picture, the woman he's holding visibly pregnant.

_"Simon Dennis, 37, was found unresponsive in an alleyway in the early hours of Saturday morning. Bystanders contacted paramedics immediately and once they arrived, Dennis became crazed and talked about "seeing the devil." Paramedics were hesitant to approach but were eventually successful in getting him into the ambulance before he started seizing and passed away from heart failure. Police were able to identify him from personal items on his person and are looking into investigating it as a robbery gone wrong due to missing jewelry. Dennis is survived by his wife Johanna, who is currently 6 months pregnant. When asked about her husband, all she could say is how much his family, friends, and church will miss him. Services to be announced by the family."_

Tears well up in my eyes and I can't do anything but cry, not for myself but for a wife and unborn child that will not have a father. As shitty of a person, as he was, I know what it's like to feel like the one bond that brought you into this world is missing. Then, I remember why they won't have a father and disdain fills my heart.

"All she could say is how much his church will miss him," I reread out loud, the words spewing out of my mouth with such disgust. His wife won't have a husband and that baby won't have a dad because he chose to attack a woman who had a savior. How did Papa do this to him? There's no doubt in my mind that he's involved.

I close my eyes and desperately try to remember what happened before I woke up in my apartment but the memories won't come back as if I've blocked them out permanently to avoid further suffering.  I just remember the necklace dangling from Papa's hand before everything goes black in my mind. That has to be the missing jewelry they're talking about. I vaguely remember asking Papa if he hurt that man and I don't remember him saying anything about it.

My stomach drops at the thought of someone finding out what happened that night. The news article has so many things inaccurate but what if someone saw me or Papa that night? What if I get blamed for his death? I know I'm the victim but from reading the news, justice is rarely served. Vamp jumps onto the couch and crawls into my lap, purring against my stomach as I sob into my hand. Where are you, Papa?


	6. Chapter 6

I kept my eyes on the local news and my television always turned on for any more news on Simon but nothing ever popped up. It was just another crime in this big city and that worked in my favor, I guess. The police didn't come breaking down my door but I still slept with fear in the pit of my stomach. His services were announced and I considered going for a brief moment but quickly talked myself out of that. Even though I didn't do anything, why am I trying to get caught?

Papa still hasn't come to see me and I feel the sting of abandonment. He said so many things that night that leaves me with zero answers and it's slowly driving me mad. I've tried to bide my time by picking up shifts at the shop and picking up my sketchbook for the first time in months. All my doodles come back to one green eye and one white and I end up frustrated and upset.

Vamp has been good company and whenever I'm home, I do feel some comfort from her. She's always ready to snuggle me and nibbles at my fingers whenever I start feeling sad and in return, I end up coming home with treats and new toys for her. She's quickly adjusting to life off the streets and I'm extremely lucky that she didn't turn out feral. She needs me as much as I need her right now.

My loneliness has made me miss Grace so much more than normal. She did her best to keep me from heartbreak and, for the most part, she succeeded. She never tried to keep me from dating but always swore to me that the person I was meant to be with would be great and powerful. I didn't even want to date other guys and even though I was asked to school dances a few times, I was only ever interested in one boy: Patrick.

Patrick was in my homeroom and my biology class and we became fast friends after having to work on projects together. Science was never my strongest subject and Patrick helped me through a lot of test prep and homework. He asked me to go steady after a couple of months and it was nice to be able to date since boys were a forbidden topic back home but I had no idea what it was like to be in a relationship. Luckily, he made it pretty easy.

After five months, I thought I was ready to have sex with him and he felt the same way. I was able to pull a fast one on Grace and say I was staying with Charlie when I secretly went to Patrick's house while his parents were out of town. He was really sweet and made me a dinner of frozen pizza and vanilla milkshakes and we watched movies until very late.

We went to his bedroom and started the awkward ritual of teenage sex and the things I would hear within people hadn't happened in a while and it chose that night to reappear. As he touched me, I could hear his every thought.

_"She's great but her friend Charlie is way hotter. At least I can practice with her and be better with other girls."_

I felt my heart sink into my stomach and felt like throwing up. I remember telling him I needed a glass of water and putting my shirt and pants back on and grabbing my backpack while he was getting it for me. Luckily, I was able to sneak out without him noticing me.

I cried all the way home. I couldn't help but let the tears fall down my face, even in public. I really liked Patrick and this was my first attempt at sex since I ran away from home. Grace was wondering what I was doing home and she held me as I cried. I never told her about the sex part but told him that he broke up with me. She was a little upset that I lied to her but she put that aside in my hour of need.

The last thing I heard about Patrick was that he got a girl pregnant right after high school ended and it derailed a lot of his plans for college. Charlie has seen him a couple of times and gave him the stink eye on my behalf. As for me? I haven't tried again with the opposite sex. It's just not a fun time when you're able to read their minds.

Vamp scratches at my arm to snap me out of reminiscing and I realize that even though it's only 8:46, I'm tired and want to crawl into bed. The depression of Grace and wondering if I'll ever see Papa again has exhausted me emotionally and as I drag myself to my bed, Vamp follows.

"You'll stick around with me, right?" I ask her, changing and crawling under the large comforter. Vamp jumps onto the bed and curls up on the pillow next to my head, letting out small purrs as I pet her one last time before sleep.

"I'll take that as a yes then."

 

* * *

 

My eyes shoot open and I know he's here. Every bone and muscle in my body twitch as I can feel him so close to me. I quietly get out of my bed, grabbing my favorite cozy cardigan off the hook behind the door and walk out into the living room. I don't see him but I know he's here and when I look towards the front door, Vamp is sitting and staring at it like it's her job to guard me.

"Do you feel him too?" I ask her quietly. My gut tells me to open the door so I sneak past Vamp and unlock the deadbolt, letting my hand linger on the doorknob. I feel a punch in my gut and I open the door to Papa in the flesh.

"Good evening, Allie. I was just about to knock," he greets in that thick accent that I missed. Going over it in my head many times, I'm fairly confident that it has some Italian roots to it but I'm not sure. Maybe I'd get to ask him someday.

"How did you know I would be awake?"

He smiles, "Just a feeling I had. May I come in?" I open the door all the way and he enters swiftly, Vamp moving out of his way and heading towards her food bowl in the kitchen. I turn on a small reading lamp for a small amount of light and it hurts, my eyes needing time to adjust. Papa takes a seat in the same armchair that I woke up to him sitting in and I take the same seat I had that night.

"I must apologize to you," he starts, crossing his legs and resting locked fingers on his knee, "I thought I would be able to come back to you sooner but I had some matters to attend to. But enough about me. How are you feeling?" As much as I'd like to think I wasn't just waiting around for him, I wanted him to come back just so I could get some answers to all the questions I have.

"I was shaken up for a couple of days but I'm okay now, for the most part," I reply, looking down at my hands and seeing very faint healed lines from the scrapes he bandaged.

"For the most part?"

"I read a news article about the man who attacked me. He had a seizure and died." He shifts but looks unsurprised at the revelation.

"I'm fairly certain the Buddhists refer to that as karma," he replies unapologetically. I scoff and get up from my seat and start pacing the room, unready to look at him as I think of what to say next.

"What if the police think I did something to him?" I finally speak in an angry tone and look towards Papa, crossing my arms, "Of all the outcomes of that night, of course, I would be the one in trouble."

"Nothing will happen to you. I can assure you of that."

"How can you be so sure of that? What if someone saw me? What if someone saw YOU?"

"I don't mean to be so morbid, Allie, but the only person that saw us has died. I'm sorry if you've worried yourself about possible persecution. That is my fault and I apologize if I made things more complicated than need be."

"What do you mean? You won't answer my questions, Papa. The only thing I feel is confusion." He shifts over to the couch and makes himself comfortable.

"Please come sit next to me and I can try to answer the questions you have." He pats the cushion softly and even though I'm quite irritated with him, I reluctantly walk over and sit down next to him. Vamp comes out from the kitchen and plops down at my feet.

"What did you do to him, Papa?"

"You know how you have some sort of power within you, Allie? Well, I have something inside me as well. I have the ability to bend minds in any way I want. Manipulate, destroy, sometimes I can even control a person's feelings. Make them calm, provoke anger, incite arousal. As I laid my hands on him, I could still hear your cries, your pleas and my anger got the best of me."

"So he died because you were out of control?"

"It was never my plan for him to die but I won't apologize for it if it meant saving you from being hurt more than you already were. I know you have something in you too, Alice. You must now that I'm not cruel in my intent."

"When I-," I start, trying to think of how to word what I do, "When I felt you, it wasn't like anyone I've ever touched before. I felt you in fragments, like parts of you were in the shadows. I didn't feel that you would hurt me but that doesn't mean the parts I couldn't see are good."

He chuckles, readjusting himself, "You are right in being suspicious of what you can't feel but I think I've earned some trust, wouldn't you agree?"

"I don't know. As much as I'm not sad about that man's death, I don't exactly condone murder."

"And neither do I but dire circumstances are cause for action."

Silence sets in and Papa has a look on his face that says he won't say anything until I do. I pick Vamp off the ground and lay her in my lap, stroking her coat as I try to think of what to ask next.

"Are you some kind of masked vigilante?"

He chuckles again, "No, little one. I do not go out on the street fighting crime."

"Then why save me? I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything because I'm very thankful for what you've done but it's like the timeline is out of sync. One minute, I'm in a bar with friends and the next I'm back in my apartment with you. I know there are some things that happened in the middle but I guess I just don't know how you fit into it. It's like you appeared out of thin air."

"Do you want the truth?"

"Of course."

"We've watched you for a very long time, Allie. I told you that I didn't want to make my presence known to you this soon but you've been watched from afar by the Clergy and we've awaited your arrival for a very long time. As I told you that night, I couldn't sit idly by and watch you be attacked. The Clergy were thrilled to find out you were alive and that Grace was able to take such good care of you." My eyes shoot up at him. I know that I never told him about Grace and this was the last straw.

"How do you know about Grace? What do you mean I've been watched?"

"I know I promised that I would answer your questions but that is quite a long story and would be best-"

"You know what, no! I'm done with this sideways bullshit!"

"Please, Allie. Don't-"

"No! I'm DONE with this conversation unless you want to start at the beginning and explain to me what the hell is going on!" I stand up and head for the door, ready to attempt to throw this man out of my home but I'm soon stopped when Papa grabs my wrist.

"You felt some trust in me, yes?" I remain silent, only nodding.

"Hold onto that for a little bit longer and follow me. I can show you what you want to know." He lets go of my hand and walks into my bedroom. What is he getting at? As I enter my bedroom, he's taken his shoes off and is sitting in the middle of my bed, facing the backboard.

"I don't know what you're trying to pull-"

"Please, come sit in front of me." I hesitate but comply. As I make myself comfortable, he takes his gloves off and lays them down at his side.

"I'm going to place my hands at your temples and it'll show you what is so hard for me to explain." After I nodded, Papa places his hands on the sides of my head and he closes his eyes. My heart slows down and I start feeling like I'm going to fall asleep but it's a much more intense feeling than drifting off to sleep. My ears start ringing and my body becomes weightless as I fall backward into a dream state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get a little crazy. Let me know if you're loving the story and any comments or feedback is very welcomed!
> 
> Just on a personal note, I just purchased my ticket to my first ritual and I'm so very excited!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big ol' trigger warning on this one.

My world turns into a bright light and I know that wherever I am, time isn't real. This world isn't the real one and I feel like I don't exist. I see nothing but white light surrounding me and as I sit up and get my bearings, my head starts throbbing. It's like I'm stuck in a void and there's no way out.

"What is this place?" I say to myself.

"Your own mind," I hear Papa's voice behind me and I'm so happy to see him. The shift in reality has me completely off balance and to see something slightly familiar is welcomed.

"What do you mean? My mind is nothing but white light?"

"Let's say that you are the television remote but I am the television. You are in control of what we see. I know you wanted to know why we've come into your life so suddenly but it looks like there are things you want to show me first."

"From my own mind?"

All of the sudden, the scenery shifts to a bench in NYC. The park that I tried to basically live on until I could figure out some sort of plan of where I could go. That familiar bench where I sat with nothing to my name except a little money and whatever was in my backpack. Seeing myself outside of my body is strange, especially me at 16 in a state of panic. All of the sudden, Grace comes into view and she sits down next to past me.

"Holy shit," I exclaim, "Grace..."

"Grace was a valuable asset to us and as soon as she offered her services, we knew she would be the perfect person to watch over you," Papa replies.

"She was forced to look after me? To love me?"

"Absolutely not. She converted to us after so many failed pregnancies and forsaking the False One and as soon as the Clergy became aware of your existence, she offered to shelter you and take care of you for as long as she could. As much as her service was a benefit to us, we wanted to give her something she longed for. We made our presence scarce because we didn't want to influence your relationship with her."

"She told me that it wasn't in her plans to have children."

"We asked her to never tell you about the Clergy. It was likely a painful subject for her. Do not think ill of her, ghuleh. She was doing what we asked of her but she doted on you whenever we checked in on you."

"But how-"

"Did we find you? Once you came into the city, the Clergy sensed your power. You were never supposed to go to those horrid people who raised you first but there was nothing we could do. As long as they had their hooks in you, we couldn't touch a hair on your precious head. Once you came here, we worked diligently and Grace swooped you up as fast as she could."

Papa walks a few steps ahead, people passing through us like we're ghosts. He starts to people watch, obviously waiting until I spoke. I knew that this would be one of the rare chances that I could ask him whatever came to my mind and on the topic of Grace, there was one burning question I've always had.

"Is that how I was able to go to school? Get a license, get a job?" I ask him, never taking my eyes of Grace. I feel the tears welling up in the corners of my eyes but I hold them back. "I never outwardly asked but it was always on my mind."

"The Clergy took care of it," he starts, whipping around and walking towards me, "We were able to successfully forge documentation for you just as the church would have had to do when they found you. We wanted you to be safe and sound."

"How?"

"We made sure you were safe and financially secure. We didn't want any risk of you going back to the church."

"Was there anyone else in my life that was implanted by you?"

"It wasn't just me and no. All your relationships are entirely your own. Despite what you're thinking right now, Grace loved you like a mother would love a daughter, the way you deserved to be loved." Papa's gloved finger brushes against my cheek and I lean into it, taking whatever comfort I can get.

Time stops again and it's freeze frame as I watch that scared girl take Grace's hand into hers. Papa looks at the girl once more and smiles.

"You may have had horrible things happen to you but look, your eyes are still full of hope," he says.

"How do you-"

"I'm in your mind, Allie. There's nothing you can hide from me when I'm here visiting."

The scene transforms again and now we're in the living room of my childhood home. I see myself as a little girl, reading a children's book about Noah and his ark, sprawled out on the floor dressed in a pale pink dress with white tights and black slipper shoes. Papa comes over and looks over her shoulder before shuffling over to stand at my side, watching my life play out like a horror movie.

"How old were you?" he asks.

"I think 7 or 8. I think this is one of the earliest memories I have." I don't try and think of anything earlier, in case we whiplash into another scene of my life. The little girl perks up as my adopted parents open the front door and a man I recognize all too well walks in and I feel fear take over my entire body.

"Hello. You must be Alice. I've been so excited to meet you," he says, bending down to me and shaking my tiny hand. He holds onto it and places a gentle kiss on the top, my parents beaming in response.

"Who is that man, Allie?"

"That's the- That's the pastor," I stutter. My body goes into some kind of paralyzed shock and I cannot move any part of me. Suddenly, my knees feel weak and I know I'm going down. Papa is there in an instant to catch me.

"Easy there. Are you okay, my darling?" He supports me at my waist and hoists me up next to him, my legs still feeling like jelly.

"I don't know. I just- I haven't seen him since that day," I reply. The scenery changes once more and it's the one I feared the most. We're in the pastor's office and I remember it like it just happened to me. He told me to meet me in his office after prayer group. All of my other friends had left and I had a short walk home and knew if I told my parents why I was held up, they would understand. They always told me to do whatever the Pastor wanted and I barely knew about sex, let alone the warning signs of something bad to come.

I see me, a fresh 16-year-old who's only known thing about the world is that God is everything and Satan is around every corner, sitting across from a man with beady eyes, balding hair and fresh sweat on his brow. If only that little girl knew what I know now. Papa holds me as tears start falling down my cheeks, watching with a scorching intensity.

"Thank you for staying, Alice. How was the prayer group?" the Pastor asks.

"It was great, pastor. I'm very excited about the ceremony we're having next week. My parents told me that we'd be having a great big dinner and I'd get to bring my brownies."

"That's right. I'm very excited as well. Do you know why I've asked you here?"

"No, sir. Is something wrong?" I was always eager to please.

"No, no! Quite the contrary, dear Alice. I've just wanted to comment on how well you're doing lately. I always see your nose in the good book and absorbing all the information you can. You've really grown into quite the young woman." He gets up from his desk and moves around it, sitting on the opposite edge and right in front of me. I just want to scream at myself and tell that young girl to run out the door and never look back. At least I did one of those things.

"Thank you," she says. I was never much for talking, even before what happened. Some things never change.

"I remember meeting you when you were just a little girl. Do you remember that?" He grins that evil and wicked grin that is permanently seared into my brain.

"Not really, sir."

"I remember it very well. Your parents were very welcoming to the changes I wanted to make around here and when I laid eyes on you, I knew you would be very special to me, Alice." He gets up from the desk and lays his hands on my shoulder, using the fingertips to massage the fabric.

"Special?"

"Yes, very special. Probably the most special girl in the entire congregation. You're going to have a very special role for me, Alice."  He walks in front of her and takes her hands, pulling her out of my chair and taking her in a big bear hug. I watch as the first place his hands go is on the small of her back and then continues to move them down to her rear. As I see the look of fear in that little girl's eyes, I start tearing up, putting my hand over my mouth to try and mask the sounds from Papa.

She tries to wiggle out of his grasp but he holds onto her tightly, moving their bodies towards the desk. He takes her wrists into his hands and forces them onto the desk, making her body hunch over.

"Your parents want you to be part of my most elite disciples, Alice. Don't you want that?" He lifts up her dress and quickly discards her underwear, taking a step back and taking in her pubescent body. She can't talk, she can't scream. She's paralyzed with fear and the unknown scares her. She doesn't hear his thoughts but feels everything he is: lust, wickedness, a desire to deflower an unaware girl.

"This is what God wants for you. He wishes for you to be by my side for now until the Rapture. Your parents knew you would be the perfect addition. Wouldn't you like that?" Seeing this outside of my body answers so many questions but kills me inside even more.

He unzips his pants and takes a foil packet out of his pocket, ripping it open with his teeth while using one hand on the back of her neck to push her down hard and keep her down and unable to move. She's crying but refuses to make any sounds, just in case it provokes him more. It isn't until he enters her that she cries out in pain. His hands work their way up to her hands and hold her down to the desk. It doesn't last long but it's enough to fuck her up for the rest of her life.

When it's over, he pulls his pants up and tells her she can put her underwear back on. She reluctantly does so, scared of what else is going to happen to her. She tries to wipe away her tears and snot before facing him again. When she sees his face, it's red and sweaty. He takes a handkerchief and starts dabbing at his forehead as she stares at the ground.

"You're going to make a great wife to me, Alice. Your parents will be so proud of you when we take the sacred vows, along with your friends Jessica and Natalie." They were my two friends from the prayer group. We weren't best friends since the church and parents liked to isolate the children from each other outside of services but I considered them friends since we would sit together in the prayer group. Jessica was my age but Natalie was only 14.

"Would you like me to take you home?" he asks, wrapping up the used condom into a tissue before throwing it in the trashcan by his desk. I shake my head, grabbing my backpack off the ground and clutching it to my stomach. He walks over to the door and opens it for me and I leave as fast as I can, walking in shame the entire way home.

My parents offered me to him as a tribute. I was going to become his wife and they wanted it this way. They would do anything to please God and the Pastor without thinking of the repercussions, not caring about how that would warp the mind of a 16-year-old forever.

There was no way I would become some child bride to that monster. I went home and pretended things were normal; ate my dinner, showered, prayers before bed but when my parents went to sleep, I packed everything important to me and the necessities into my backpack. My mom and dad kept their wallets on a kitchen counter near the back door and it took me a solid 20 minutes to convince myself to take their money. It was beaten into my head that stealing would send me straight to Hell and into the arms of the Devil himself but after what happened, I felt that anything that strayed me a little further from the church was exactly what I needed.

They only had around $200 dollars total but I took my mom's credit card with me. As I left town, I stopped at a 24/7 ATM. Mom had me take out money for her for Sunday services sometimes so I knew her pin and was able to get more money. The limit was $300 and I figured that was better than nothing. I threw the card into a trash can after I was done, not tempting fate any more than I already was.

I bought a bus ticket into the city the next morning, sleeping in a park while waiting for the bus station to open. Every police car or adult who passed by terrified me and I thought for sure that everything was going to come out from under me. My will got me into the city and the rest is history.

I fall to my knees and sob as everything comes back to me. Papa didn't say anything as he watched everything unfold. Why did I have to see all of this again? And to have Papa see all of this too was so embarrassing on top of everything I was feeling.

"Do not cry, Allie. You endured so much and such horrific things that should not have happened to you."

"Why did I have to see this again, Papa? Why did you show me this?"

"This was in your mind, ghuleh. You took me to these places. You must trust me enough to show me your pain." I hold onto Papa and the world around me starts crumbling down like an earthquake. I huff as I come alive in my body again and I shoot into a seated position, gasping for air as Papa continues to sit in front of me.

"Allie? Breathe," he says, gently taking my face into his hands, "You are alright. Would you like me to get you some water?"

"No!" I yelp, grabbing onto his sleeves as he tries to get up. He stumbles but regains his composure as I crash into his chest, wrapping my arms around him and sobbing into his silk jacket. He says nothing as he wraps his arms around me, stroking my hair as I cry for the rest of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

My body is so sore that I groan as I finally wake up. I don't even remember falling asleep or much of anything else from last night. It feels like a skyscraper of bricks fell onto my body and every muscle twitches as I try to move. When I do, a draped arm envelops me and I feel the warmth of a body next to me.

I shoot up and turn my head towards the stranger in my bed. Papa stirs but he falls back asleep, cradling his now free arm under my pillow. My head starts spinning after my fast rising and when I put my hand to my head, it's hot to the touch. The sun peaks between the blinds of my window and it feels like days have gone by but last night starts coming back to me.

He saw the darkest moment of my life and he held me as I wept myself to sleep. That's the last thing I remember before waking up. I didn't expect him to stay the night, especially since the first night he was here he left after I fell asleep. Looking over at Papa, he shed his elegant jacket but still had his tailored pants on with a black undershirt. I try to sneak off my bed as softly as I can and head towards the door but as soon as I touch the doorknob, a voice speaks behind me.

"Is that why you don't like to be called Alice?" I turn and Papa has his mismatched eyes opened and looking my way. He looks like he's slept for a week and woke up refreshed and ready to start the day. What does he even do when he's not saving girls in dark alleyways or doing mind tricks?

"Hmm?"

"That man called you Alice many times. Is that why you don't like to be called Alice?" It took me a few seconds to remember what he was referring to and I nod.

"Partly. I also never really cared for the name."

Papa sits up and it's such a sight to see: his black hair is disheveled from sleeping and his face still colored black and white. How does he get around with his face looking like that? Maybe he really was some sort of wizard or something. I'd believe it after what he did to me last night.

"Maybe someone will come along who can redeem the name for you."

I walk back over to him and take a seat on the edge as he gets up from the bed, grabbing his neatly folded coat and putting it on. I watch his fingers as he does each button delicately. There's a sophistication in the way he does even the simplest of things.

"Are you leaving?" I ask, trying to hide the panic in my voice. With how everything ended up going last night, I didn't want him to leave when there were still so many questions.

"No, darling. I'm just not used to sleeping over and I did not want to be indecent." He buttons the very last button and pulls his gloves out of the pocket of his jacket, taking a seat in the reading chair in the corner.

"Indecent? After everything you saw last night, you think me seeing the skin on your arms is indecent?" I try and stifle a laugh as I say it but I'm not too subtle and he laughs with me.

"I love hearing your laugh." He catches me off guard with the compliment but I smile in appreciation. I draw my legs up to my chest, resting my chin on my knees.

"Don't think you can smooth talk me. I still have many questions and showing things that I've already lived through won't get you out of answering them."

Papa smoothes out his jacket as rises, moving over to my bed to sit down next to me. He folds his hands into his lap, anticipating my inquiries. "Okay. What are your questions, ghuleh?"

"First off, why do you keep calling me that?"

He chuckles. "It's a term of endearment. While it's an older, more feminine version of the word 'ghoul', it also serves as a way to show affection. Sort of like how many call each other 'baby' or 'honey'."

"Is that why I can do what I can do? Because I'm a ghoul?"

He laughs again. "No, you are not a ghoul, Allie. I do not know much of your parentage but what the Clergy thinks is that your father was ghoul while your mother was human. You don't present outwardly as one but exhibit powers we've seen in ghouls before."

"I'm not exactly done with that line of questioning but I have to ask: the Clergy?"

"That's our order. Some would say we're a church, some an antipapal organization but no matter the vernacular, we're here to spread the word of the Ancient One while denouncing the False God." It doesn't take much time to realize what he's talking about.

"So you're talking about Satan?"

"That's one of His many names, yes."

I can't help but laugh. "You're literally everything my upbringing warned me against."

"And I am terribly sorry that they've warped your mind so, ghuleh. We're not bad people. We are not the rapists and murderers that organized religion has made us out to be. We are very open and honest and live our lives as we see fit, not blindly following false deities."

"That sounds like what I'm looking for. I guess the only thing I've really heard is how you defile virgins and sacrifice goats to bathe in their blood."

He chuckles again. "Propaganda at the hands of those who oppose us."

"Why is your face painted like that?"

"It's not painted. I'm of an old bloodline that's regarded as leaders in our church. Although I have been a leader for a while, I feel my time may be coming to an end sooner rather than later. Most importantly, it's a way for others in our organization to know of my eminence." 

"Eminence? Should I be bowing or washing your feet?"

"Absolutely not. As long as I have something to do with it, you will never bow to anyone else as long as you are alive."

"That sounds pretty great but it sounds like you're recruiting me."

"Far from it. You were born out of an unholy union and usually, that isn't frowned upon but it was long foretold that there would be someone coming to us of unique descent. You should have grown up in the Clergy. We never foresaw that you would fall into the hands of a cult."

"Neither did I."

"It takes an iron will to break free from such strong clutches and I have nothing but the greatest admiration for you, Allie."

I shrug. "I'm just me. I was a pawn who didn't question what I was told because they trained me that way. I spent pretty much my whole life being scared and I didn't know anything outside of the church until... Well, you saw what finally broke me." Papa sighs and hangs his head, almost as if he lived through it along with me. I guess, in a way, he did live through it while he was in my head.

"And it is regrettable that happened to you and I will never be able to tell or show you how sorry I am," he apologizes, staring down at his gloves. I reach my hand out and rest it on top of his shoulder, physically giving him permission to look into my eyes and he does, a black strand of his hair falling in front his face.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for, Papa. It changed me forever but, in a strange way, it gave me my freedom. That's the most important thing to me now."

"You have a very unique way of looking at things."

"That's why I'm confused as to why all of this is happening. You may have said you aren't here to recruit me but it kind of sounds like you are wanting me to switch sides, so to speak."

"Of course we would love for you to be a part of what we're trying to do but we won't force you into anything you don't want to do. Your freedom is just as important to us as it is to you.

Silence settles in. I get up from my bed and walk towards the window, leaning against the wall as I look at the city. It's coming alive as the sun starts waking up.

"May I ask you a question, Allie?" I look over at him and he's shifted his posture. His legs are crossed and his hands rest on his raised knee. I nod.

"Do you feel lost?" What a strange question. Who doesn't feel lost? It wasn't until Grace died that I felt very out of place. Sometimes it feels like I was shoved into a world that I don't understand and most of the time I'm just floating along. Maybe that's what he means.

"Most of the time, I do. It's weird because I can be surrounded by people or their thoughts and feel completely alone. It felt like Grace was the one person who tied me to the Earth and now that's just...gone." I look back out my window so he doesn't see the tears in my eyes. He's seen me cry enough for one lifetime.

"She loved you so much."

"Is that why the Clergy wanted to take care of me? So that I would be in debt to them?"

"Absolutely not, Allie. You could outright refuse us and there's no risk of retaliation. The only thing I ask is that you don't refuse until you see who we are."

"That's what they call a quid pro quo, yes? For saving my life?"

He smiles. "You're already learning our language. You owe me nothing for saving you and I would never ask anything of you for that. Was there something you'd like to ask of me?" Now is the time to finally take some control in my life, starting with the man who's been in my dreams every night for a very long time. The dream of a satin sheet bed comes to mind and I'm ready to make myself even more vulnerable to him.

"Actually, yes."

"What can I do for you, sweet Allie?"

"You can give me something I've always wanted."   


	9. Chapter 9

"Your wish is my command," he replies, slyly. Déjà vu hits and I feel a little less scared of what I'm about to ask.

"I guess I have a question first before I ask." His face softens and his gloved finger does a circling motion, egging me to continue.

"You said that you have these powers of the mind," I start and he nods, "Have you used those on me?"

"Apart from what we did last night, I have never done anything to alter your mind. I would never do anything to you without your consent." After what I've been through in my life, I never thought those words would be music to my ears but I perk up. "Now what did you want to ask of me?"

I bite my lip and get up from my bed, facing away from him as my face starts burning red. I know what I want but I'm terrified to ask it. I know that whatever is inside me is showing glimpses into the future and that dream the other night is going to happen; I can feel it in the pit of my stomach.

"Is it that bad, Allie?" I hear him chuckle behind me. An idea comes to me and I finally have the courage to turn around and face him.

"I want to get a read on you again." The first time I really focused my power on him, I remember feeling all my synapses firing off at once, almost like drowning in fire without being burned alive. Papa raises his brow in confusion but takes his gloves off as I come back to my bed. He already has his hands out when I sit back down and when I take both his hands into mine, it's instantaneous.

That warm fire rushes throughout my body and I close my eyes to really concentrate on the feeling. My hips start rolling as I feel his arousal pulsing through me and giggles fall out of my mouth without warning.

"You've been hiding something from me, Papa," I breathe out.

"What do you mean? Are you alright, ghuleh?" My eyes are closed and flashbacks of my dream start playing through my eyes. I feel the black satin sheets and his hand around my neck and I try to stifle moans but my mouth can't close in time. When I open my eyes, he's looking at me bewildered. It's like all the dots connect and I know what this feeling is now, even though I've never really felt it before. I let go of his hands and my torso hunches over; my hands meet my thighs to support the weight.

"You want me," I exhale, trying to catch my breath.

"Allie-"

"You saw every painful part of me and you still want me."

"Let me explain-" I crawl to him and push my index finger to his lips and shush him. Whatever I was feeling earlier is controlling my body now and I'm not stopping whoever this new person is.

"I've dreamt of you having me every night since I met you. I wasn't sure what I felt that first night when I touched you but just now, I felt everything," I sigh, biting my lip. I never thought I would see this man, who is always so calm and collected, stunned. As I take my finger away, he gets the message and stays quiet.

"For the first time, I feel like my body is mine to give," I continue, crawling towards him. He stares at me and watches my movements and refuses to take his eyes off me, "I've never kissed someone who wanted me this badly. Do you want to kiss me, Papa?" He nods, looking down at my lips.

"Then kiss me," I whisper. His hands move to my face, reminiscent of that first night of him comforting me. He pulls my face into his but refuses to rush into my lips. The tip of his nose tickles against mine as I feel his hot breath on my face. I've waited so long for this that waiting any longer is torturous.

"Please-" and before I can finish the word, his lips are on mine. He starts soft with ample pressure, moving his hand from my face to my hair and balling his fist around the strands. As soon as I move my mouth, he moves with me and I can't help but think I'm probably the worst kisser but I'm disproven when he wraps one arm around my waist and pushes me down to my bed.

He gives me room to reposition my body and my legs but never stops kissing me. He doesn't put his whole body on top of me but keeps me pinned down with just his torso, snaking one arm under me and holding my face to his.

I dare to open my mouth and my courage pays off because he opens his as well and I taste his tongue against mine. It's an indiscernible taste but the feeling goes straight down to my most forbidden parts. That's a first and hopefully not a last.

He bites my lower lip and I gasp and he breaks contact for the first time. He's panting and looks down at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I got a little carried away, my darling."

"No, it's fine. Just surprised me is all." I run my hand up his torso, feeling the silky jacket under my fingertips.

"I can be a little...passionate sometimes," he says, smirking.

"That may not be such a bad thing." I start trying to undo his buttons. When he catches on, he grabs my hand and stops me.

"No no, my darling. You don't need to do that."

"You don't want to..?"

"It isn't that at all, it's- what do they say? Patience is a virtue?"

"I feel like I've been patient enough, Papa."

"I would love nothing more than to ravage your body in sin but I do not want to overwhelm you." 

"Please, Papa... I've never-"

"Shhhh. Just because I will not fuck you doesn't mean I will not do other things to you." He moves down to my waist and lifts up my shirt, laying small kisses on my stomach and around my belly button. I watch him closely and he undoes the knot of my pajama pants. I'm sure he's used to much naughtier lingerie but I wasn't expecting this at all.

I lean up and balance on my elbows so I can get a front row seat for what is about to happen. He pulls my pants off slowly, making sure that his touch grazes my entire leg as my pants go to my ankles. He goes for my panties and pulls those down more urgently but still looks up at me for approval.

"Lie back," he whispers and I comply.

He takes my knees into his hand and slowly pries my legs apart to reveal his goal. My emotions are mixed between eagerness and embarrassment. My body was supposed to be my palace that I only let God and the right man into but how quickly I remember that my palace was raided against my will. If letting Papa between my legs was the ultimate sin, then I guess I'm a sinner. I was already running into the arms of Satan and I have no complaints so far.

Papa grasps my hips, crashing his mouth into me and my body jerks at the contact. He starts with just the tip of his tongue and goes slowly over every part. My hands go down to his and as much as I want to watch him, he gave me a command and I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

One of his hands works up to my abdomen and secures it in place and I couldn't move if I wanted to. I fight him slightly and take a peak and all I can see is his face in my crotch, his black hair strewn out in different directions. He feels my movements and lifts his face, tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"Are you okay?"

I nod. He takes his middle finger and pushes it into his mouth and pulls it out slowly. It glistens with his saliva and I'm salivating at the unknown.

"Tell me if it's too much." He takes it and pushes it into me slowly and I yelp in response as he pulls it back out. He repeats the motion, speeding up only enough to really drive me crazy and the feeling is unlike anything I've ever felt before. My hips start rocking and the rest of me is twitching at the sensation.

"Oooooh fuck.." I whisper, one of the many uses of the word I'd learned after coming to the city. I start grinding my hips against him just to see what that feels like and I instantly feel no regret.

"Do you like that, ghuleh?"

"Yes, Pap-AH!" He hits something amazing inside me and my body goes rigid. My pelvis rises and his hand follows. Papa curls his finger forward and I'm doing everything I can to not scream.

"Is this what you wanted? You wanted to cum for Papa?"

"Yes! God yes!"

"God isn't here right now and I can promise that he wouldn't be able to make you feel as good as I can," his words are spiteful but it's not towards me. He pulls his finger out slowly and when I look down to see him, he's admiring the liquid coating it. When he notices me staring at him in both shock and awe, he smirks and sticks his middle finger right back into his mouth.

"Allie," he whispers, eyes closing and head falling back, "You have the sweetest wine I've ever tasted."

"You must not drink that often," I huff, trying to regulate my breathing and failing. I just want him to touch me more and I'm doing everything to send him signals to never take his hands off me.

He gives me that sly laugh again. "Perhaps not. Perhaps I should drink every last drop of you. Do I have your permission to do that, my sweet Allie?"

"Fuck yes, you do."

"Such foul language. You're becoming the best little sinner right before my eyes." Papa bends down and lays small kisses on my stomach. He moves south, the tip of his nose parting the small amount of hair on top. He shocks me again when he inhales audibly and takes in the scent but it's short-lived because he dives right back into me.

His tongue starts on my clit and he lovingly focuses it on and the new sensation takes control over every nerve, every muscle, every limb. His groans reverberate off my walls and the vibration stimulates me even further below.

"Papa," I whisper, bringing my fingers to the top of his head and hanging onto his hair for dear life. I must not pull too hard because he keeps going. His tongue moves from my clit into my folds and he inserts it into me, licking me furiously. One of his arms wraps around my thigh as his other hand holds me down at my pelvis.

This tightness starts building up in the pit of my abdomen and tingling starts from the tips of my toes and goes straight into my thighs. The feeling is so unfamiliar to my body but it's something I've heard about in songs, seen in movies, heard about from friends and I've never had the pleasure of feeling with another person. My pants and moans start turning to screams and cries for him to carry on. He's not stopping any time soon.

The tingling continues to move and now I feel it in the tips of my fingers and as I toy with these gorgeous black locks, it feels like velvet but I soon start losing control. The tightness grows deeper and as I arch my back one final time, my eyes screw shut and something inside me bursts. It's the closest thing to heaven that I've ever felt and it's completely out of body experience. 

"Papa!" I scream in complete ecstasy.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me some comments and kudos so I know you like it!


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